I always say "My Life is my teacher." Most things I know about love and relationship, is from my life experiences. Not all experiences are pleasant but have grown to find a lesson in each one.I have a scar on my left wrist with a bucketload of life lessons. I sustained that injury over 40 years ago and each time I see this injury, I realize that we all need to be appreciated and positively affirmed.
I will share how I got the injury first and what it thought me.
I am the last child of my mother and my oldest Sister who is much older than I am, had left home at a very young age to go study in London, I do not recollect knowing her before she left but as I grew older, I became aware that she was responsible for the packages that were frequently dispatched from London. I remember how happy I was, when she sent me my first pair of red leather mules, with an inch heel. At first Mama said I could not wear them for fear of my tripping, but my irrepressible little self kept practising and mastered how to wear them, and this was for me my first high heels. For a girl that could not wear decent shoes, those red mules made me feel like every other little girl, oh how I loved those mules.
So one day this beautiful and elegant lady returned home and took up a job in the ministry, I was just blown away with her presence, I wanted her to notice my existence and know how tough I was, I wanted her to be very proud of me, on this day the chance to make her proud that came as I overheard my big Sister ask one of the male helps in the home to wash her car. I quickly recognized the chance to be relevant came. I snuck out, got my self some soap, a bucket and water from a truck that had a storage tank attached to it or tanker as we called it and I proceeded to wash the car. All I could think of was how proud of me Sister will be, soon I was out of water. It was time to rinse the car, so I went for a refill of water. My clothes were soaking wet, there were soap suds all over but nothing could stop me, I got to the tanker refilled my bucket and ready to retrace my steps to the car and the unthinkable or was it thinkable happened. I lost my balance, I held unto the tanker for support and the rough edges cut right into my wrist. Oh no! I thought but anyway , I had to continue my task, big Sis must be proud of me. I headed to the soapy wet car and continued.
Big Sis was ready to go out, stepped out to get into her car and what she saw blew her mind. Chinwe dripping wet, covered in soap and blood. She let out a huge scream! I put my index finger to my lips, pleading with her to be quiet because if she screamed any more and Mama came out, it will be big trouble. So she took me, dripping water and blood, she bundled me in the car I was supposed to be washing headed to the General Hospital without alerting Mama. We got to the hospital and the cut was stitched. While the doctor was stitching all that was going through my mind was, Chinwe you just blew it, big Sis will never be proud of you.
1)We are all yearning for recognition and acceptance, it is only modest not to seek it out yourself, we pray that the people on our lives will just offer it .
2. A word of appreciation goes a long way. One does not have to be perfect to get affirmed. There times to offer affirmation just for the effort made. Even if the picture on Facebook is not the best picture of your friend, hit the like button all the same to acknowledge their effort.
3. Always appreciate the effort it took someone to positively affirm you, it is a precious and priceless gift.
4. Because you affirmed some one else, it does not make them better than you are.
5. If one has to ask you to affirm them before you do, it defeats the purpose.
I am learning everyday from life. God give me the grace to put in practice my lessons.
Years later I reminded my Sister of the incident of course she had forgotten about it, she looked at me with so much love and said but I was always proud of you. She asked me why I did not let her know what I needed from her then?
I know why I did not tell her what I needed, I wanted it to come freely from her.
Today I want to take time out to talk about the gift of fatherhood. To me fatherhood is a gift that a mother gives to her child. Any one can make a child but not everyone can be a father.
As women we have a natural instinct to love our children however that love also includes considering your child's paternal needs.
I thank God for the wisdom and grace to have chosen this good man to be the father of our Sons.
He is not the richest man in terms of finances but he makes our sons the wealthiest men I know, they have a father that teaches and guides them.
Tony Iro did not know his own father for long, his father died when he was 3 yrs old.
He made a decision to be there for his children.
This is who he has always been.
He did not start doing this today.
In the picture he is feeding the baby, that was in Nigeria in 1995, we had helps in the home yet he just gave his sons a bath and was getting them ready for bed.
Looking through our archives a few days ago, I found these pictures, there were a lot more but I just decided to share a few.
When the boys were younger, Tony took care of any activities outside the house. Gina ford do you remember la petite days? A lot of people thought he did not have a wife because they hardly saw me.
Chidera(Ama), Somto, Ikechi and Kelechi, I have always told you to thank God every day for the father you have.
I pray you will be just like him.
To other fathers you can do more!
To mothers choose wisely!
This post is to any one who finds any task challenging and to mother's of children living with challenges.
No one is born with strength, we develop strength.
So many times people tell me I am not as strong as you are, when they say that I smile and think to myself. How little they know about me.
I was not born strong. I was born extremely weak, the strength you see now is a product of constant practice and challenging that limitation. I had no strength in my right hand. It was weak, twisted and bent. Daily my Mom will force me to use that right hand instead of the left and in no time it became as strong as the left. Of course there were several accidents, it was very frustrating for me but today I reap the fruits of that hard work and I am grateful to her.
I do not really like coffee but recently I needed to improve my metabolism as well as treat myself in the cold winter mornings. After much thought. I decided to introduce coffee with coconut oil and cream. It is my gift to myself every morning.
Usually with things like coffee and tea, I leave that task to Tony because I do not have much stability to carry a full cup of coffee from the kitchen to the living room without spilling some then I have to retrace my steps to clean my mess. But what type of me time will it be if I had to depend on him?
So I told myself you can do it Chinwe, every morning, I make my coffee and inhale that wonderful aroma of coffee with coconut oil and cream, then I start my short journey to the living room to sit and enjoy. Slow , steady, I mentally said to myself when I first started now I carry my cup with ease and when Tony is home, I carry two cups and make it a "We time" I still have a tiny spill when I do two cups at a time but I know I will get better at it.
I often see mothers of children living with challenges worry when they want to help, please let them help. You will be amazed at skills they will develop.
For all others with invisible challenges, ( People living with challenges in the head) you too can be strong! Challenge your challenge.
Coffee and coconut oil anyone?
Good morning friends!
Chi chi Iro.
I have noticed that most of you like to hear my stories, I will like to share one of my interesting stories from my new book. This incident changed my life and formed me.
It is one that will take most of my friends down memory lane to my university days.
Sit back and enjoy, remember there is always a lesson to my stories.
I have always loved life, leaving home to go to college just gave me the chance to further have a great time away from Mama's prying eyes.
I went to school at Imo State University, while in school I loved to party. I could dance all night without getting tired, God bless the guys in my school, they gave me the chance to dance to my heart desire bad leg or not.
Due to the acceptance in my school, I approached parties in other schools with the same confidence.
Once I went to another school, in a city called Enugu to visit , there was a party that night and my hosts invited me to go with them. As usual, I took time to doll up, I must have been wearing my favorite ref lipstick too.
The girls were seated on one side of the hall talking excitedly in whispers and the boys were seating on the other side assessing the girls. My party arrived very early so most people did not see us come in.
Soon, it was time for Music, as the DJ set up his equipment, the boys were checking out the boys. This hunk of guy, probably the boldest, took a step forward going for his prey, he was going for the prettiest face in the group, once he took a few more steps, my heart sank into my stomach. Oh no! Oh no! Not me! How am I going to be on the dance floor alone with this fine dude? I was not shy but I preferred dancing on a packed floor.
Oh no! I continued, my heart racing wondering how I was going to handle this, soon his very deep voice moved close to me and said "May I have this dance with you?". I had no choice, it was too late to back off. I was nervous but daring , I said "Sure". So he held my hand and led me towards the dance floor.
I took a few steps forward and our hunk realized that all that glittered may not be gold. He turned around and in disbelief noticed my not so perfect gait. He leaned forward and said. "I am so sorry , can I take you back to your seat?"He said it in the most gentlemanly fashion , most Africans at that time would have freaked out and embarrassed me, now there were hundreds of eyes staring at us, I put on a flirty smile and leaned in towards him. With my best sexy voice I said "If I could not dance, I would not get up. Do you want to give it a try? I asked in return. I prayed he would answer yes and yes he answered . Praise God! He held my hand tighter, I am sure in his mind, he did not want to be the cause of a major accident and proceeded to the floor
Once we started dancing, I talked to myself the way I always do. "Chinwe focus o! there will be no falls tonight, you are getting the chance of a lifetime to prove yourself here, do not make this handsome guy regret giving you a chance". Lionel Ritchie's All night long boomed from the loud speakers are we twisted and turned to the tune, soon other couples joined us , I was having a swell time, my guy was under my spell. As the DJ changed the music, my hunk will ask if I was tired and I will say no, soon other guys were asking if they could dance with me and he will say no, I think he wanted to be sure that I was safe, Soon, the tempo of the music changed, it was something slower? Thinking back it was "Secret Lovers by Atlantic Star". He pulled me closer a little bit like the way Tony Iro is holding me in the picture above while humming to the song. "Here we are two of us together....". While in the safety of his arms, I took a deep breath and reflected on the events of the evening.
I wondered where I got the guts to do the things I did at times, I guess I had no choice if I was going to be accepted in the land of the "ABLE". I was thankful to God that I did not chicken out and let him take me back to my seat. I would have made him feel bad and every body at the party would have felt sorry for me. The guy would have gone back to the other guys and said in broken english "Nna na wah! Alarm don blow! I no know say de girl no get leg". The guests at the party would have wondered why I bothered attending but because I was ready to try, I took control. Soon I brought my thoughts back to the present, as he held me close and swayed. The next time he asked me if I was tired? I said Yes! Wisdom is knowing when to take a bow before something goes wrong. He took my hand and walked me back to my seat, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and bid me good night.
What a wonderful night! my mission has been accomplished. It was time to go home.
When you dare, what do you stand to loose? Nothing? You may be surprised you will succeed beyond your expectation . My legal training tells me that "Equity favors the bold or vigilant".
Till next time. Dare to try?
Tony Iro please forgive me. I am still your Mummy pastor, I was just in the mood to tell some stories.
For my friends from college days, let's hear your feedback.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND PERSONAL MESSAGES CONCERNING THE DI BU UGWU ARTICLE I WROTE HONORING MY MOTHER AND THE LAND OF MY BIRTH NKWERRE. I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED RE LIVING THE MEMORIES JUST LIKE A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE FROM NKWERRE. I LOVE FACEBOOK, IT CONNECTS ME WITH VARIETY OF PEOPLE THAT I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF MEETING. ESPECIALLY BEAUTIFUL TALENTED YOUNG LADIES.SO YESTERDAY, I WOKE UP TO AN ARTICLE WRITTEN BY ONE OF...
So yesterday, I woke up to an article written by one of my Facebook daughters. This young lady is smart and beautiful and I waste no time letting her know in my usual way of appreciating others.
When I read her article, I smiled because she reminded me of me a few years ago but yesterday when I read her article, the word that came to my mind was extreme.
I was in shock, that really is a strong word.
As I continue to question why that word was the word I should think of, I decided to do some research on the word extremist.
This is a word that no one will like to be called but in our selfish positions that is who we are.
To start my research,I googled the word "Extremist". It says an extremist is one who has extreme views, one who holds extreme political or religious views. Of course this definition was too elementary for my analytical mind, I decided to deliberate some more on the topic.
So I make my special coffee and coconut oil blend and I nicely invite Tony Iro to do justice to the topic. For most people that know us , inviting Tony Iro to have an intellectual conversation is like giving consent to firework display, as two lawyers, we each try to make the other accept our view even when we are saying the same thing. It is a sight to behold. If you ask most of our friends that went to Law School with us, they will tell you they did not think the marriage would last a month. I guess that is one of the special gifts we enjoy.
So I let him know, the coffee was ready and he sat opposite me and I asked him if he had a minute to discuss a topic with me? He said he did.
I asked him the question. Who is an extremist?
The words that came out of his mouth the next few minutes made me stare at him with admiration, as I said "Chai, this man you sabi book o!". First he went on to give me a definition that was very similar to the definition on google, then further did justice to the definition by saying.
An Extremist is one who is limited by his understanding . He is an intellectually lazy person , fixated on an idea and refuses to see that there could be any other angle to his beliefs. He vehemently protects an idea that is not completely true just because it is his idea.
My mouth popped open, this was one of those times , that someone else provided articulately the words I was searching for. I quickly composed myself and thanked him.
If you hold extreme views in support or against a particular gender, tribe, color, race or group. You are an extremist.
I was honored by the responses that I received on the Di bu UGWU article, some wrote their comments on the thread. While others inboxed me, I am not an advocate for any gender and I do not think that is what the article is about.
The article is about the left and the right making attempts to move to the center.
Most times we have to understand the message beneath the story.
Di bu ugwu knew what a man needed and she gave it to him. Every man needs respect, they need love too but love is not the most important thing to a man. Because of the egotistic nature of man, what fuels him is respect especially in public. In your private moments with a man, his wife can do anything she wants to him and he will not be offended. Now a man that feels respected by a woman will love that woman, the way the Lord has commanded him too. Are there exceptions to the love and commandment rule? Yes as with every other thing. You cannot because of the few exceptions fault these rules.
A wise spouse is one who knows that if I give him what he/her desires he/she will give me what I desire.it goes both ways.
"Nwa muo emegbule nwamadu, Nwa madu eme gbule nwa muo"
I am against unfair treatment of any man or woman.
I advocate for fairness and balance.
We take feminism too far, this is a battle that women are winning already, the world is evolving and things are naturally changing.
We do not need to be too extreme in our views .
Can the left and right move a little towards the center? If you do not then you are an extremist.
Chi chi Iro.
MHOTY stands for my hat's off to you.
This morning, I am so full of gratitude for the destiny helpers that God has sent my way.
What a difference family and friends can make in propelling your dreams to become reality.
First person on my list of course Is my Tony Iro. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me to go. I pray the Lord will give me the grace to do same for you.
I want to thank my midwives you know who are, at the right time I will give your names.
I also want to thank the Cheerleaders, I have so many of you, I wish I could send a special shoutout but I am afraid I will miss someone.
The next group that I will like to appreciate are the regular commentators to my posts, you are all so wise and smart. Your contributions have helped me grow.
Some times you need other people to help you dream, I appreciate all of you for doing that for me.
Thank God and Thank you.
Thank you to every one that has honored me by taking out time to read the original post. Women have a shallow way of reasoning out things at times because that is what makes sense to us at that time. Some times we prefer to bury our heads in the sand . I challenge you to dig deep and uncover the answer that will help you go through these tough times. Sometimes we avoid digging deep because we do not like the answers we get. The answers are within you.
My aim in writing this post is to share my thoughts and gain wisdom and knowledge from others. As a health coach, minister and counselor, I talk to different women everyday and in the process I try to understand what every woman of this age group is going through.
Some of us may not connect to the post because they may not be experiencing the changes yet.like that woman looking at her reflection in the mirror in her peak and judging those before her. You cannot escape the changes. If they have not come, wait for them.
Only God Myself and Tony Iro know what stage of this journey I am on at the moment. it does not really matter what compliments I get when I post my pictures. And yes I am blessed with great genes and do not deal with most of the issues that most woman go through at this time however wisdom tells me not to be in denial and prepare for the days ahead. I welcome the changes.
No matter how well we age and how little one of the changes affect you, I challenge you to strip down and I mean no panties and all the next time you are in front of the mirror and tell me what you see.
The signs of the changes are there, it could be as little as the desert encroaching in an area that once represented new life. If you are shaking your head at the choice of words. Let me supply the meaning of desert.((A desert is a barren area of land where little precipitation occurs and consequently living conditions are hostile for plant and animal life) This definition describes what nature intends to happen at the end of time. At this time our conditions are no longer favorable for new life. Please the men on this thread, you are not immune to the changes. You know you experience them too but our gender roles are different. To you, I pray that the Lord will give you more understanding and empathy towards all women, especially the ones closest to you.
Remember we are speaking balance here and my wish is that I can through these discussions provide a platform to reason together in truth, openness and love so we can understand things both spiritual and temporal better. Thank you, stay tuned I will continue to write as the Lord gives me revelation. I wanted to thank so many of you that have thought real deep to help me with these answers. You are all correct. Tony Iro, Kwavi Christy Agbeyegbe , Chizoba Wonodi , Stella Chidi Mbakwe Ohanenye and so many others. I am blessed to be surrounded by wisdom. Thank you.
About the answer.
Why does our eye sight change with the times?
The decline of the eye sight at this stage is a physical thing but it does not mean the same thing to a person within their peak. For a younger person to have a decline in sight is an exception not a rule. Nature did not intend it that way, certain circumstances made that happen. ill health, poor life choices, injury or genetic dispositions.Nature is an awesome planner. Nature first figured out that to fulfill your purpose, you needed to have the sight to examine all suitors and make your choice in your younger years. Because we have been given free will you will have to choose who will help you fulfill your role. So at this period of life, you open your eyes and look far and wide and take in all the goodness in the opposite sex. Be careful though there is a different between a father who fertilizes you and a husband. Here nature's goal is reproduction. You can use your sight to behold a husband but he may not he equipped to be a father a child and vice versa. This is where we talk about the grace to get vision. Sight and vision are not the same. Sight is physical and vision is not.
So in our younger years we have great sight to examine and spot your partners in the duty of reproducing like kind. Now as you age and nature presumes that you have answered your call and you have no business still examining. The sight declines for the following reasons.
1) Time to look is over.
2) you have seen enough to reason it out at this stage
3) Like Tony Iro said you need to see less so you can minimize the flaws in one another. notice how at this stage bald men begin to be your spec. nature has changed your taste buds.
4) Sight declines because you are meant to worry less about little things,so many others got this reason right we are blessed with so many wise people here.
The answer that I have that ministers to me so much comes from the distinction between sight and vision is the last answer. Like I said earlier, sight is physical it is basically the ability to see and process what you are seeing
How is it different from vision? Let us look at the definition of vision:
1)The act or power of sensing what you see
2)the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be:e.g.
prophetic vision; the vision of an entrepreneur.
3)an experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency:
a heavenly messenger appearing in a vision.
4)something seen or otherwise perceived during such an experience: for example
The vision revealed its message.
5)a vivid, imaginative conception or anticipation:e.g.
visions of wealth and glory.
I know at this point you are understanding where I am heading. Let us look at the verb envision to drive home our point.
Envision means to picture mentally.
Now let us use the above definitions to uncover the biggest mystery.
Why does our sight decline at this age and our vision grow?
Remember that girl in her prime? She looked at the mirror and it was her reflection in the mirror that gave her an into her beauty and power. Her reaction to that sight was the confidence in the way she swayed her hips, when you are young, your affirmation comes from your perception of how you look and how other people relate to you based on your looks.
Now something changes with time when you no longer see that, nature reduces how much disappointments you are beholding and increases your vision, your ability to see beyond now and call forth the gift of the future even when your dry bones question your strength.
Yes at this stage like Stella Chidi Mbakwe Ohanenye
Said we are spirit beings. At this time we no longer relate with the world around us but confer with every force in the past that has conspired to get us where we are as we gain the peace to relinquish and travel light towards the light.
Finally, the choice is yours, will you heed to the time changes even if you can pass for a 20 year old
and start your spiritual journey or will you continue your poor attempt at defying nature. Remember you cannot cheat nature!
Well I have said a lot and I do not know if I am making sense to you . Let me know what you think keep reading.
God bless you,
When we talk about uniqueness, most people think we are talking about outward appearance alone.
There is so much more that make you different from the other person. Every part of you is for a purpose.
You may be identical twins or as siblings you may look alike yet you differ in so many ways.
Ever wondered why the master made you the way you are?
You came to perform a duty.
You were prepared for that.
One of the reasons Joseph was sold to slavery was to provide food during the famine for his family.
God does not make mistakes.
Stop wishing to be someone else, your assignments are different.
When I had my last surgery, there was a lot of promise and hope, I expected close to perfect results but as I recovered reality hit, I had better legs alright, the surgery was a huge success but I was still obviously limping.
Disappointment nearly set in and as I questioned why i did not get perfect results.
The Lord asked me "if I take this leg away, who will you be?". You are here on a specific assignment.
The truth hit me hard. This is who I am, I will lose my purpose if I changed.
If I changed , what will I be known by?
The artiste formerly known as ......
If you love me please do not pray for perfection for me.
What about the huge bug like eyes?
They are to see what others cannot see.
And the deep deep voice?
My goodness the most unique voice, I have ever heard, I still shudder when I listen to a recording of my voice.
I hated this the most because people always answered "Yes Sir" to me on the phone.With time I have come to understand that there were reasons for the voice. Reason #1 ask Tony Iro. Reason #2, it makes speaking to others easy as it is very loud but also soothing. The Master knew I will be speaking hope to others.
On the inside, sometimes my heart makes me sad, especially when people hurt me by treating my kindness as stupidity, I have trusted people that may as well have spat on my face and I promise I will become tougher, then I hear a tiny voice ask me "Who will you become after that?" Then I pause.
What about my stubbornness?
"Defender of the universe" I have always been that way, I will fight and defend the weak. Sometimes people think is bad, they call me stubborn, strong headed and rigid.That is who I was made to be, to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.
Care to share what makes you unique?
Happy New Year friends!
Growing up different in an unkind world, I knew there was one place I could live the life I wanted without discouragement and that place was in my dreams. I preferred day dreams because they gave me the choice of creating my own reality .
In my dreams , I could do cat walks, be a ballet dancer, a lawyer , a wife and a mother. In my dreams I could wear high heeled shoes and walk in my own belief of a perfect gait. In my dreams I was the judge.
Every opportunity I get till date, I escaped to my world of day dreams, in that world I created my perfection that no other person had the right to challenge , I always hated coming back to reality and realizing my world was not always as it was in my dreams however patiently waited for the day the day the dream and reality will become one.
One good thing though, my dreams gave me the power to slay the real world. For what you defeat in your subconscious you can always conquer.
Yes I am a slayer!
Bring on your biggest challenge and I promise I will beat it because I already conquered them in my dreams.
One dream that seemed impossible to accomplish was the one on high heeled shoes. I wanted it so bad but I had given it up, since my anatomy made it impossible for that to happen, it was a dream that most doctors killed because it was a medical risk. I did not have enough balance and strength in my legs to accomplish that task.
Until I met Dr. Humenuik, he said if that is your wish , I believe we can accomplish that and with the grace of God it became possible.
Almost 2 years after my reconstructive surgery, I can actually join beautiful women all over the world to rock heels even though there is a qualification to that, it must not be more than two and half inches, must be balanced and preferably wedges.
While in recovery , I started acquiring these heels, it looked like a joke, I got scared opening the boxes and looking at the shoes and I said worst case, I will attempt wearing them .
After the surgery I wore Nike tennis shoes everyday for a year and worked on my balance.
Today the high heeled shoes dreams have come true! I wish Mama lived long enough to witness this.
What dreams do you have for yourself or your children? Do not let them die, keep them alive.No matter how impossible they appear today, they may very well come true.
Be Enabled !
Living with cerebral palsy has been challenging but I have never allowed it to limit me in any way.
Two years ago I went in for reconstructive surgery after experiencing frequent falls and difficulty with my gait. A physical therapist was sent to my home to help me build back strength. When he saw how weak my leg was after surgery he was curious to know if I could even walk prior to the surgery. I showed him my pictures before the surgery and all he could say was "Wow! You live life with disability with great swag."
I was like, Yep! That's me!
Having swag, is personal to each individual, it has a lot to do with your personality and how you view life and those you surround yourself with.
No matter your circumstances, like me, you can create your own peculiar swag. I put in extra effort everyday so that my appearance can be pleasing to me and any one that beholds me, especially my lover and husband of over 23 years. .
It helps that he also plays the role of fashion critic, photographer and and all round in house cheerleader.
The guy still has the right words to make a girl feel like she's got it going on. And I believe him every single time! What can a girl do!
I am loving me!