MHOTY stands for my hat's off to you.
This morning, I am so full of gratitude for the destiny helpers that God has sent my way.
What a difference family and friends can make in propelling your dreams to become reality.
First person on my list of course Is my Tony Iro. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me to go. I pray the Lord will give me the grace to do same for you.
I want to thank my midwives you know who are, at the right time I will give your names.
I also want to thank the Cheerleaders, I have so many of you, I wish I could send a special shoutout but I am afraid I will miss someone.
The next group that I will like to appreciate are the regular commentators to my posts, you are all so wise and smart. Your contributions have helped me grow.
Some times you need other people to help you dream, I appreciate all of you for doing that for me.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY TIME!
Thank you to every one that has honored me by taking out time to read the original post. Women have a shallow way of reasoning out things at times because that is what makes sense to us at that time. Some times we prefer to bury our heads in the sand . I challenge you to dig deep and uncover the answer that will help you go through these tough times. Sometimes we avoid digging deep because we do not like the answers we get. The answers are within you.
My aim in writing this post is to share my thoughts and gain wisdom and knowledge from others. As a health coach, minister and counselor, I talk to different women everyday and in the process I try to understand what every woman of this age group is going through.
Some of us may not connect to the post because they may not be experiencing the changes yet.like that woman looking at her reflection in the mirror in her peak and judging those before her. You cannot escape the changes. If they have not come, wait for them.
Only God Myself and Tony Iro know what stage of this journey I am on at the moment. it does not really matter what compliments I get when I post my pictures. And yes I am blessed with great genes and do not deal with most of the issues that most woman go through at this time however wisdom tells me not to be in denial and prepare for the days ahead. I welcome the changes.
No matter how well we age and how little one of the changes affect you, I challenge you to strip down and I mean no panties and all the next time you are in front of the mirror and tell me what you see.
The signs of the changes are there, it could be as little as the desert encroaching in an area that once represented new life. If you are shaking your head at the choice of words. Let me supply the meaning of desert.((A desert is a barren area of land where little precipitation occurs and consequently living conditions are hostile for plant and animal life) This definition describes what nature intends to happen at the end of time. At this time our conditions are no longer favorable for new life. Please the men on this thread, you are not immune to the changes. You know you experience them too but our gender roles are different. To you, I pray that the Lord will give you more understanding and empathy towards all women, especially the ones closest to you.
Remember we are speaking balance here and my wish is that I can through these discussions provide a platform to reason together in truth, openness and love so we can understand things both spiritual and temporal better. Thank you, stay tuned I will continue to write as the Lord gives me revelation. I wanted to thank so many of you that have thought real deep to help me with these answers. You are all correct. Tony Iro,Kwavi Christy Agbeyegbe, Chizoba Wonodi, Stella Chidi Mbakwe Ohanenye and so many others. I am blessed to be surrounded by wisdom. Thank you.
About the answer.
Why does our eye sight change with the times?
The decline of the eye sight at this stage is a physical thing but it does not mean the same thing to a person within their peak. For a younger person to have a decline in sight is an exception not a rule. Nature did not intend it that way, certain circumstances made that happen. ill health, poor life choices, injury or genetic dispositions.Nature is an awesome planner. Nature first figured out that to fulfill your purpose, you needed to have the sight to examine all suitors and make your choice in your younger years. Because we have been given free will you will have to choose who will help you fulfill your role. So at this period of life, you open your eyes and look far and wide and take in all the goodness in the opposite sex. Be careful though there is a different between a father who fertilizes you and a husband. Here nature's goal is reproduction. You can use your sight to behold a husband but he may not he equipped to be a father a child and vice versa. This is where we talk about the grace to get vision. Sight and vision are not the same. Sight is physical and vision is not.
So in our younger years we have great sight to examine and spot your partners in the duty of reproducing like kind. Now as you age and nature presumes that you have answered your call and you have no business still examining. The sight declines for the following reasons.
1) Time to look is over.
2) you have seen enough to reason it out at this stage
3) Like Tony Iro said you need to see less so you can minimize the flaws in one another. notice how at this stage bald men begin to be your spec. nature has changed your taste buds.
4) Sight declines because you are meant to worry less about little things,so many others got this reason right we are blessed with so many wise people here.
The answer that I have that ministers to me so much comes from the distinction between sight and vision is the last answer. Like I said earlier, sight is physical it is basically the ability to see and process what you are seeing
How is it different from vision? Let us look at the definition of vision:
1)The act or power of sensing what you see
2)the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be:e.g.
prophetic vision; the vision of an entrepreneur.
3)an experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency:
a heavenly messenger appearing in a vision.
4)something seen or otherwise perceived during such an experience: for example
The vision revealed its message.
5)a vivid, imaginative conception or anticipation:e.g.
visions of wealth and glory.
I know at this point you are understanding where I am heading. Let us look at the verb envision to drive home our point.
Envision means to picture mentally.
Now let us use the above definitions to uncover the biggest mystery.
Why does our sight decline at this age and our vision grow?
Remember that girl in her prime? She looked at the mirror and it was her reflection in the mirror that gave her an into her beauty and power. Her reaction to that sight was the confidence in the way she swayed her hips, when you are young, your affirmation comes from your perception of how you look and how other people relate to you based on your looks.
Now something changes with time when you no longer see that, nature reduces how much disappointments you are beholding and increases your vision, your ability to see beyond now and call forth the gift of the future even when your dry bones question your strength.
Yes at this stage like Stella Chidi Mbakwe Ohanenye
Said we are spirit beings. At this time we no longer relate with the world around us but confer with every force in the past that has conspired to get us where we are as we gain the peace to relinquish and travel light towards the light.
Finally, the choice is yours, will you heed to the time changes even if you can pass for a 20 year old
and start your spiritual journey or will you continue your poor attempt at defying nature. Remember you cannot cheat nature!
Well I have said a lot and I do not know if I am making sense to you . Let me know what you think keep reading.
God bless you,
LOOKING FOR MY TIME!
DID YOU SEE MY TIME?
CALLING ALL WOMEN 45 AND OVER!
UNDERSTANDING THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS!
FOLLOW THE RHYTHM!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I am looking for my time. Have you seen my time? This is the first time my time has left and has not returned, in the past it will leave for 9 months sometimes and then come back.
The difference between it's previous departure and this time is that when it departed in the past we celebrated. This time there is no celebration, it has left me with tears, regrets and loneliness.
To everything, there is a time and a season . (Ecclesiastes 3:1)There is so much certainty and truth in this verse that if we can accept it, we will travel through this journey with great understanding and not fret when things begin to change on us. Life has a rhythm to it.
WHAT IS THIS RHYTHM?
From the time a baby makes is triumphant entry into this beautiful journey, the rhythm starts. Once the baby takes in that air and cries with all its energy, life begins. The next step for anyone present at birth will take is to determine the gender. The gender clearly sets the roles the child will play through out life.
If it is a girl, the challenging journey of preparing for womanhood and motherhood starts, every thing from that point is intentionally geared at preparing her for that role. The preparation takes a big leap at about twelve, when the spiritual journey of initiation commences, The "time" like it is called in several cultures makes a surprising but grand entrance accompanied by Mother Nature bearing gifts of a dream and a future for all mankind. From the day of the first visit, monthly visits will be scheduled at around the same time every month. Month by month they reappear to remind the innocent girl of her role. In this period of preparation Mother Nature begins the task of adequately equipping her for the intended role. Anticipating that every woman will undertake the journey.
Soon, the breasts come in, initially shyly breaking through the skin of the nipples, it causes her a little discomfort because in her conflicted mind she has no understanding of the miracle she carries yet. Her skin glows as thick shinny hairs begin to sprout from significant parts of her body.Now the previously emerging breasts start filling up like balloons filled with water. The perky pair stand erect like the headlights of a car.The hips widen, rounding beautifully at the corners. She certainly is a piece of art. Well sculpted and rounded. She is full of promises! Even though she looks at other women in her life like her mother and she thinks she will never look like them. In her mind, she thinks her case is different.
At this time, the young lady begins to have an appreciation of the gifts Mother Nature gave her and the power she carries.
She starts to explore as she swings her rounded hips from side to side.
When she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror , she likes what she sees. Soon she is not the only one that sees her beauty. Naturally she will begin to have thoughts and feelings that puzzle her. Nature's other intention is to make her appealing to her partner, he too has been going through his changes, he has been kitted with his distinct gifts to perform. His voice changed on him, to this low baritone that sends shivers down her spine, shoulders became square, thick glossy hair appear every where. He is beginning to have urges he cannot describe.
Back to the girl, daily she wakes up, in full recognition of her powers and as she encounters him begins her display similar to that of a colorful bird. She knows she has him spellbound . Hormones are raging, there is a complete balance between estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Every thing has come together. Her libido is at it's peak. Her preparation is complete!
Then comes marriage and the non avoidable intimacy issues, everything that nature had prepared her for was coming in handy. In very little time, "time" her monthly visitor takes a sabbatical as she begins to feel and sense the signs of new life. This is it! This is what she was destined to do. The miracle has arrived. Life goes full cycle as she brings forth another and another as the case may be.
The next phase of her life will be to nurture and care for the miracle. Nature already thought about it, she already fitted her with her very own milk factory, a tender heart and the temperament of a lion to protect her children. Day by day she performs these task and with her care they grow and thrive.
One day, she realizes that they no longer need her for their care, as she celebrates her success there is a deep whole in her heart, yet she must understand that a season and time have ended.
As she gets to her 45th Birthday, she catches a glimpse of herself in her mirror again and this time she did not recognize the image in the mirror was her image.
Her once smooth skin now has deep lines all over it.
Her once bright eyes were now dull and as she looked deep into them, she saw all the pain and disappointment of all the years gone past.
Her once dark shinny thick hair was now a mixture of black and white, it was also thin and dull. She feels like Cinderella and twelve just struck on the clock and she has to return everything that made her beautiful. It seems mother nature's intention at this stage is to make her unattractive to him and him unattractive to her. He too is losing some of his endowments. His once thick hair disappears as his stomach bulges noticeably. The instrument that once represented his prowess almost non functional. Their job in this arena is over. No one can cheat nature.
None of these things hurt her as much as the feeling of worthlessness and emptiness she feels deep down. Sometimes the feelings are accompanied by impatience, anxiety and very fragile emotions.
When she goes to consult with her doctor, a fellow woman she says a lot of strange things instead of the usual words like fertility, ovulation and labor she was saying things like cortisol, stress,biodental hormone and insulin. Then in every sentence she will add balance. Each time she asked how she could get balance, the answers she gave her made no sense, she could tell the doctor herself was confused.
The once balanced estrogen, progesterone and testosterone are now running havoc. As she stares with tears in her eyes she asked the question.
Where did time go?
"Time" has done its natural job and departed with Mother Nature, there were no more familiar monthly visits.
Time had gone but left some very frustrating unwanted guests behind. They were low libido, excessive night sweats, some very complicated one called hot flashes, loss of hair, loss of sleep, droopy breasts, bad eyes,chills, anger, a bulge in her mid section, loss of her muscles, sometimes she cannot put her thoughts together as she experienced fogginess in her mind, the worst of the unwanted guest was dreaded dryness in her most treasured part. This part of her body once held so much pleasure.
Why are you doing this to me? She asked God.
She already knew the answer.
The time to reproduce like kind was over. It was time to pack up the shop and gracefully accept her next assignment.
For this next stage, she was endowed with a heart bigger than the one she had before but she must also acquire some new friends to accompany her on this new lonely journey, slowly as she drags her tired body up, wisdom, understanding and patience stand firmly by her while she reaches deep into her soul and makes sense of this cycle of life.
Soon the trio whisper to her in unison
"You cannot cheat Nature".
You have sacrificed all your life, it is time to accept the things that you cannot change.
Your beauty and charm you will show with your heart.
No matter how much you nip and tuck
Nature will get even with you and it will crumble.
You can spend your resources on diet pills and the scale will move the opposite direction.
You can spend the whole day at the gym and what has come down can never come up.
Spend your fortune on hair and skin products and youth will never return
You can buy all the support wear in Victoria secret and Spanx and all they will do is to move the fat to another part of your body.
Stop trying to recreate the past.
That time is gone!
Celebrate what you have done and take time to minister to your soul.
Your new job title will be Prayer warrior and counselor.
If you understand these then you can approach the last phase with the peace that is beyond human understanding.
This is dedicated to all women attempting to make sense of it all in mid life.
"Time" has gone yet inner strength has arrived
I celebrate you my sister.
Welcome to 45 and over
You are not alone.
I have a question please ladies. Why does our vision decline in mid life?
Could it be that nature believes we have seen enough?
I think I have just figured it out but I will like to hear your answers.
Chi chi Iro.
Life is a journey not a destination. As you journey you travel through unknown paths, different terrains and several landscape.
Sometimes you experience obstacles.
Other times pleasant surprises.
You are not in control here.
The only thing you are sure of is where you started the journey.
What you will encounter, the duration of the trip and when exactly it will end , you cannot predict.
He will surely bring you to an expected end.
My name is Chinwe Iromuanya , I am originally from Nigeria. I have been married to the love of my life for 23 years and we have Four Sons ranging from ages 17-22.
I use my life stories to let people know there is life with CP. It is not a death sentence, it is just a way of life that challenges you to do things diffidently. I consider CP as a blessing, my hope is that my testimony will encourage you if you are living with CP or if you are a family member of someone living with CP
I am a lawyer, author, interior decorator and motivational speaker. I like to address my self as one who has challenged disability.
It is not easy for me to describe the difficulty of the journey that brought me to this person that I have grown to become.
Growing up in Nigeria, where people living with disability were hardly given a chance to life, my status as a wife and mother was something that I could only dream of when I was growing up. I had no role models, most people with disability were hidden behind closed doors, they did not go to school and romance was considered way out of their league.
My journey started with my mother looking at her beautiful baby girl and wondering what my future will be like. She had no experience in dealing with a child with disability , I recollect seeing fear and uncertainty in her eyes but she figured out she could fix me by pushing me to be normal. Mama made me do everything she could sense was difficult for me and if I failed she made me do that task over and over till I succeeded. When the kids at school teased me and I did not want to go back , she brought out her cane and threatened to use it on me if I did not go back to school. It was hard for a little girl, I thought she hated me but now I know she did not hate me. She was just making sure I chose life. Out of the fear of Mama using the cane, I willed myself to do most things. My mom left no room for pity, she was always stern with me because she felt if she showed me any sign of sympathy , I may give up. Now that I have my own sons, I can only imagine how hard it was for her to use that approach. Thankfully
my Mom lived to celebrate my victories. Watching me grow into a beautiful young lady, wife and mother, brought her so much joy.
At a very young age, I was shipped off to a middle and high school boarding house, this development was so scary, for the first time in my life, I was away from home. The girls at school had never been with a person with disability at such a close range, they were just being kids, they just excluded me from most things not knowing how I would cope, I did not blame them, I just knew I had to do the work to prove my abilities. I spent a lot of time proving my abilities, I changed from this introverted little girl to an extrovert , I did everything with them and they accepted me as one of them.
Then came college, college was kind of tricky, there was the issue of parties and boys. I applied the same proving principles and was just fine. Then there was post- graduate , the Nigerian law school, at this time, I was more sure of myself, still every time I met a new person, I had to take time and prove.
Proving yourself at every stage as a person living with cerebral palsy can be draining but it is best to take it in good faith. People just need to know how to relate to you.
As a wife and mother. I have the need to prove myself less, because they can already tell my strength.
My passion is to use my story to encourage others living with disability that they can live very normal lives , especially in the area of romance and raising children.
To challenge disability, you have to learn to dream, the beauty of our dreams , especially day dreams is that we can create our own dreams. As a little girl, I dreamt of becoming a lawyer, dreamt of having children and being married to a handsome lawyer , who spent a lot of time with me in bed. Today all those dreams have come true. I am living my dream.
LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOUR SELF
No body is perfect and most people are not looking to partner with perfection. They just want to be with someone that makes them feel good.
Being uptight and sensitive about your disability will make it difficult to interact with you and no one will like that.
Nothing is out of bounds in our household including laughing at me when I am doing a wonky race to the bathroom.
CHOOSING A PARTNER
Not every one has the maturity or experience to be with someone that is different. It is important that you form a friendship first, so that the other person, can get used to your uniqueness and fall in love with who you are in your uniqueness. Do not rush to settle into a relationship with someone who is not comfortable with your condition.
I dated my husband for 7 years, he knew what do expect from being married to me.
It was not typical to marry someone with disability but when he was ready no one could stop him.
RAISING CHILDREN WITH CP
I know most of the women living with CP will wonder if I gave birth to the boys or adopted them.
I delivered all four boys naturally , most of them were just 15 minutes of labor. I hope this will encourage someone that has the dream of having children. God has been gracious to me.
When raising children with CP, you do not want to have the children constantly live with the burden of how to take care of you. CP can only limit you to an extent, try to work on your strength and let your children know that even though you are living with CP that you are capable of being a parent to them , in your own way.
In my home, I am the queen of the castle! I rule my five men in my own unique way!
Once a year women in the United States are celebrated specially on Mother's Day. Even though, I love to receive gifts and be celebrated on this day by my wonderful husband and sons, this day has special meaning to me. It is a day that I love to take time to thank God for his grace upon my life.
Every one is deserving of God's grace but in my case, the love that God has for me is such that you read of only in the Holy book.
WHAT iS SO SPECIAL ABOUT MY CASE?
To answer that question, I will have to quote you one of my favorite bible passages. Psalm 71:7, "I am a wonder to many but you are my strong refuge". Whenever I think of this passage, I want to break out in a dance and praise God.
Do you want to know why?
God has made me a wonder with the gift of motherhood. I know there are several ways you can become a mother, every woman has the ability to be a mother, if they can take up the role of a nurturer and provider. You do not have to be a birth mother to be a mother.
In my case, the Lord not only decided to make me a nurturer but he made it possible that I will join millions of women all over the world to deliver my own children.
To understand how miraculous this special gift is you really need to hear my story.
My name is Chi chi Iro, I am living and thriving with cerebral palsy, a condition that makes me walk with a wobbly gait. Cerebral palsy affected the right side of my body, which causes me to walk with a pronounced limp.
Growing up in Nigeria with a disability my chances were limited, most people expected nothing much from me but I was a big dreamer and my dreams took me to places my weak leg could not get to.
God sent me a great man, my husband of 24 years , my friend and father of my Sons. When we met, I was too afraid to call the dreams to reality , Di m as I call him saw great strength in me and encouraged me.
First came Chidera now 23 meaning whatever God has written will come to pass, then Somtochukwu 21 asking you to praise God with us and when it looked like that was it. The Lord sent strength through Ikechi 19 and finally we found our resting place with gratitude when Kelechi 17 came.
I hope by now you understand why Mother's Day is so special to me.
When we had our first Son in Nigeria with just fifteen minutes of labor, most people did not believe it was true.
I still remember my cousin's wife. She made a careless and insensitive comment.
"WOW! Chinwe so when they count mothers now they will count you? Sometimes my husband and I will remember that comment and laugh.
When mothers are counted on Mother's Day I will be counted 1,2,3 and 4 times.
Like my Igbo Christian mothers will chant
"Ndi Nne Mama! Isokwa! Esokwamu o!
Kele re m chi m Biko.
Soro m Kele chukwu.
Please praise the Lord with us for his goodness endures forever.
As a mother living with disabilities, I have the challenge of providing my husband and Sons with the motherly nurturing and care they require. It was far from easy raising four sons that were hardly two years apart but with a loving husband by my side, we were able to pull through. When the boys were younger, intimacy between was non existent, not because we did not know how or what to do,it was Just not practical, from the 4 boys being in the bed with us till the oldest was 6 because that was the sort of parents we chose to be to mere tiredness , by the time I finish dinner and wash the plates and clean the house, I will remember I have to pack their bags for the next day,. While I am doing this , Daddy may help out by giving the kids a bath so we do not have to do it in the morning. Sometimes he will catch a nap while I do the work. Do not be deceived, I am far from being the perfect wife. Whenever this happens I will nag and complain but still do the chores. Looking back now the poor guy was tired, he had been doing chauffeur the whole day while juggling the pressures of work. Then by the time, I put the kids in bed, I will tiptoe to my spot praying that his snore will be permanent in Jesus name . Sometimes Jesus will not answer and you know what will follow "that request" I will not readily give in not because I do not want to but because I am spent and like we say "And that was how the fight started". I plead with you to be patient and hang in there. Now we mostly have one child at home, the one child basically lives upstairs and we live downstairs. We have all the time and liberty to get up to any mischief we desire, now the only thing that can stop us is old age and when that happens we may hold hands. Our lives now is totally different from what it was 10 -15 years ago.
My primary concern was making our home as normal as can be and not letting my children feel they needed to take care of me or that they had a mother that was defective.
Until recently it was an endless roller coaster of chores, there was no resting moment, at a point it was full time work, cleaning, cooking and homework. Sports I left entirely for their Dad.
Today the boys are grown, their needs are totally different but a mother's job is never done.
Now I am more like the intercessor and the adviser. Raising these boys was quite an experience but I always told myself "if you think of the difficulties you will quit.
It takes a certain level of insanity to have four children in the United States.
MY MESSAGE TO ALL MOTHERS.
Count it all as joy. Motherhood is a privilege not given many. There are some mothers that are nurturing children living with disabilities that cannot give anything to them in return yet they give their all. Remember your children will grow some day. Do not complain when you cannot get a break, if I could do what I did with my disabilities you can do much more.
Change your perspective, stop being frustrated , you prayed for this role. So many women are praying for God to give them a child that will let them exercise their maternal instincts even if they are adopted.
All you need with your children, is to do your best. There is no competition , your family will love you no matter your short comings. Let go of the guilt that you are not doing enough. In my home country, Nigeria you will see a mentally challenged mother nurse a child to the best of her ability and succeed . All that is needed is the best you can give. Your love is enough.
I was one unique mother, I did everything my way. Some months ago, my friend Gina who was big help when I had Kelechi describes how I used to hold the babies, they were chubby, I usually picked them up in this very awkward manner, you will hold your breath thinking I will drop them but I never dropped them.
If you know the mannerisms of people living with cerebral palsy, sometimes we grip too hard. I guess I grabbed the boys so hard as babies when I held them yet they never complained that was the grip of the Mother they knew from when they were in the womb. It was a familiar grip, they knew no other.
TO OUR HUSBANDS
Did you know it takes so much for a woman to be a mother to you and your children? Please appreciate her and all she does by making her burden lighter. This you can do by helping out when you can. She will do more when she feels loved.
The next time you see one woman limping on the streets of Dallas with 5 handsome men behind her, That must be me.
What does Mother's Day mean to you?
I was thinking on what to write on next, I had a few topics already brewing then this morning I got this video from my Sister.
This video is so cute and funny, I had to ask her permission to share it, because in this short video there are life lessons to share.
This is my niece Ziba, she is a naturally confident and bright girl. In every other thing she is fearless, but we just discovered her fears, Santa!!! Can you imagine that? This is something that other children will beg their parents for but not our Ziba.
This fear is so real, she is actually shivering and crying, she does not care what goodies Santa has in store for her, she just wants to be out of there.
Ziba has just exhibited to us how we all react to our phobias . I have two things that make me me like this and please do not ask me what they are. Watching this video, I realize that these fears rob me from the benefit I will experience from confronting them. Every one has at least one phobia. What Is yours?
This new year, o invite you to join me and let us confront those things we are afraid of, so we can live life to the fullest.
Compliments of the season!
Chi chi Iro.